Common Weaknesses:
Rule #6 Avoid the verbs "use" and "shows."
"Salinger uses boring, depressing words"
Rule #8 Punctuation goes inside the quotation marks:
"J.D. uses common words to describe his past, such as "crap" and "lousy"."
Rule #2 Don't use long quotations as the subject of a sentence:
""Turned toward the escalators, carrying a black Penguin paperback and a small white CVS bag, its receipt stapled over the top," describes the harsh clattering of the setting."
Rule #1 Avoid "he says" quote introductions:
"...he tells us that "On sunny days like this one, a temporary, steeper escalator of daylight, formed by intersections of the lobby's towering volumes of marble and glass, met the real escalators just above their middle point, spreading into a needly area of shine where it fell against their brushed-steel side-pannels, and adding long glossy highlights to each of the black rubber handrails""
Overall Best Response:
"Furthermore, sentence fragments, such as, "One of those little English jobs that can do around two hundred miles an hour," destroy any last vestige of formality, further developing the aura of simply telling a story to a friend."
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